Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
OUR NEW NORMAL
When I signed into my blog this morning, there was a notification in big black letters saying that my last entry was created on May 6, 2010. There is a reason for the 3 month gap in my blogging. Twelve days after my last blog was created, my father suffered a massive stroke. My mama left for work at 6:00am on Tuesday, May 18, 2010. My daddy fell out of bed at approximately 6:30am that very same day. After hitting his head on the bedside table and struggling to reach the telephone and the clock radio, he lied on the floor for 12 hours, until mother came home from work and found him semi-conscious. She called me and my brother, Jonathan, and we were flying the friendly skies on Delta Airlines within 2 hours of her call. We met her at the Mobile airport at 11:00pm. It was surreal. It was scary. We were hopeful, but not delusional. The situation was NOT GOOD. His stroke "killed" 60%-70% of the left side of his Cerebellum, leaving him paralyzed on his right side and unable to swallow.
This began our "New Normal". Daddy stayed in the Neuro ICU for several days, until he was ready to go to Rehab to try to reclaim the use of the right side of his body, including his right vision and hearing. They also planned to work on his swallow mechanisms. He began Rehab Treatment on May 28th, 2010.
After 4 weeks of vigorous exercises and lots of love and attention, daddy was "ready" to go home. We left the Rehab Hospital, and mother drove daddy and me home on June 25, 2010. He went to a new bedroom that had a hospital bed, and we worked 'round the clock setting up protocols and instructions for the home healthcare workers and his friends who had graciously volunteered to help him when mother could not be there. Then, on June 27, 2010, daddy's heart began to fail. He was transported back to the hospital where he stayed until July 2, 2010. On that afternoon, we brought him home once again. We all repeated the scurrying to get everything in order for him, and I was buying his prescriptions at 9:00 that night. He was tired, and we were terrified. The very next night, July 3, we knew that something was happening again...he was moaning and struggling to breathe. His home healthcare nurse advised us to call the ambulance that Sunday, July 4. After a couple of days in the hospital this time, it was evident that there isn't much more that can be done for daddy. We signed DNR orders, turned off his internal defibrillator, and called Hospice. He went home by ambulance on July 7, 2010. He wants to be in his home with his family. He doesn't want any life sustaining medications, and he is ready to join his parents and his Saviour in Heaven.
Now, I am here writing my first blog since May 6, 2010. At that time, my girls were beginning their last month as 5th and 6th grade students. Today, they are preparing to begin their 6th and 7th grade years. Time does fly, and no, it is not always because one is having fun. However, our summer has been eye-opening for everyone in my family and many who are involved with our situation. It has taught me patience. It has taught me that there is no such thing as too many "I love you's", and that I should cherish every opportunity that I have to be with my family.
I have set up a caring bridge page for my father, and I invite readers to visit it. A more in depth story is there. www.caringbridge.org/visit/petekyser
******************************************************************************************
Below is the entry that I posted on CB yesterday:
The beginning of August always brings changes to our household. Family vacations are over, and we hit the ground running to collect uniforms, shoes, and school supplies. We make the obligatory trip to the pediatrician, the eye doctor, the orthodontist, and the hair dresser. We clean, we organize, and we retrain our bodies to go to bed at a decent hour. These things happen every August in millions of households containing school-aged children all over our country. It also happens in the homes and lives of millions of teachers, school administrators, pastors, and professors. For the past 31 Augusts, my mother's life has consisted of these events. On August 1, 2009, she was enamored by the children on her list. She lost sleep thinking about all of the wonderful things that they were going to learn together, and she and daddy went out to eat for their last "summer date" of the year. It was 11 days before their 42nd wedding anniversary, and if anyone asked her, she would have said that she loved her life...her husband, her family, her friends, her job...and that she was born to teach first and second graders. We have asked her to retire for several years, and she will not hear of it. She is a wife, a mother, a friend, an EDUCATOR.
On August 1, 2010, she seemed tired. When she talked about the impending week, she struggled between her longing to be there and her deep need to be with daddy. She knows that she has 110% support of her administration and faculty, and she knows that the parents of her students will understand when she is not at school or has to take an abbreviated day. She also knows that daddy won't be able to come meet her for lunch, or bring her cell phone to her, or take her out for a Mexican dinner on Friday nights. She is torn. She is broken. She is tired. Her 43rd wedding anniversary is in 11 days.
The irony in all of this is that regardless of her situation, she will be one of the best teachers her 1st and 2nd graders will ever have. She will hug them, and love them, and pray for them. She WILL TEACH THEM everything they are meant to learn from her, and more. She will do this from the strength that she finds from the Lord and the love and support that she shares with daddy. She may be broken, but her faith will help her put herself back together, and her students will NEVER see the brokenness. They will ONLY see the love and the light that she shines when she walks into their room.
I have run ragged since we arrived home from our family vacation. I have lain awake at night wondering how I am going to get everything done for the girls before Thursday's orientation. I have questioned decisions that we have made as parents. I have braced myself for Libba's Middle School Softball Try-Outs. I have gone to bed every night beside a perfectly healthy husband. I haven't had to meet with hospice nurses, hire sitters, spend nights in a separate bedroom with my Aunt sleeping in the guest room. I also haven't been able to call my daddy and talk to him about the latest Broadway show that is coming to Atlanta or ask him a question about the "check engine" light that came on in the van. I cry when the sky is clear because it is a beautiful day for flying. I hang the phone up too quickly if I call his house and his voice picks up on the answering service. I want to fly home, but I don't. I am torn. I am broken. I am tired. I just hope that I have half the faith that my mama does. "My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth."
This began our "New Normal". Daddy stayed in the Neuro ICU for several days, until he was ready to go to Rehab to try to reclaim the use of the right side of his body, including his right vision and hearing. They also planned to work on his swallow mechanisms. He began Rehab Treatment on May 28th, 2010.
After 4 weeks of vigorous exercises and lots of love and attention, daddy was "ready" to go home. We left the Rehab Hospital, and mother drove daddy and me home on June 25, 2010. He went to a new bedroom that had a hospital bed, and we worked 'round the clock setting up protocols and instructions for the home healthcare workers and his friends who had graciously volunteered to help him when mother could not be there. Then, on June 27, 2010, daddy's heart began to fail. He was transported back to the hospital where he stayed until July 2, 2010. On that afternoon, we brought him home once again. We all repeated the scurrying to get everything in order for him, and I was buying his prescriptions at 9:00 that night. He was tired, and we were terrified. The very next night, July 3, we knew that something was happening again...he was moaning and struggling to breathe. His home healthcare nurse advised us to call the ambulance that Sunday, July 4. After a couple of days in the hospital this time, it was evident that there isn't much more that can be done for daddy. We signed DNR orders, turned off his internal defibrillator, and called Hospice. He went home by ambulance on July 7, 2010. He wants to be in his home with his family. He doesn't want any life sustaining medications, and he is ready to join his parents and his Saviour in Heaven.
Now, I am here writing my first blog since May 6, 2010. At that time, my girls were beginning their last month as 5th and 6th grade students. Today, they are preparing to begin their 6th and 7th grade years. Time does fly, and no, it is not always because one is having fun. However, our summer has been eye-opening for everyone in my family and many who are involved with our situation. It has taught me patience. It has taught me that there is no such thing as too many "I love you's", and that I should cherish every opportunity that I have to be with my family.
I have set up a caring bridge page for my father, and I invite readers to visit it. A more in depth story is there. www.caringbridge.org/visit/petekyser
******************************************************************************************
Below is the entry that I posted on CB yesterday:
The beginning of August always brings changes to our household. Family vacations are over, and we hit the ground running to collect uniforms, shoes, and school supplies. We make the obligatory trip to the pediatrician, the eye doctor, the orthodontist, and the hair dresser. We clean, we organize, and we retrain our bodies to go to bed at a decent hour. These things happen every August in millions of households containing school-aged children all over our country. It also happens in the homes and lives of millions of teachers, school administrators, pastors, and professors. For the past 31 Augusts, my mother's life has consisted of these events. On August 1, 2009, she was enamored by the children on her list. She lost sleep thinking about all of the wonderful things that they were going to learn together, and she and daddy went out to eat for their last "summer date" of the year. It was 11 days before their 42nd wedding anniversary, and if anyone asked her, she would have said that she loved her life...her husband, her family, her friends, her job...and that she was born to teach first and second graders. We have asked her to retire for several years, and she will not hear of it. She is a wife, a mother, a friend, an EDUCATOR.
On August 1, 2010, she seemed tired. When she talked about the impending week, she struggled between her longing to be there and her deep need to be with daddy. She knows that she has 110% support of her administration and faculty, and she knows that the parents of her students will understand when she is not at school or has to take an abbreviated day. She also knows that daddy won't be able to come meet her for lunch, or bring her cell phone to her, or take her out for a Mexican dinner on Friday nights. She is torn. She is broken. She is tired. Her 43rd wedding anniversary is in 11 days.
The irony in all of this is that regardless of her situation, she will be one of the best teachers her 1st and 2nd graders will ever have. She will hug them, and love them, and pray for them. She WILL TEACH THEM everything they are meant to learn from her, and more. She will do this from the strength that she finds from the Lord and the love and support that she shares with daddy. She may be broken, but her faith will help her put herself back together, and her students will NEVER see the brokenness. They will ONLY see the love and the light that she shines when she walks into their room.
I have run ragged since we arrived home from our family vacation. I have lain awake at night wondering how I am going to get everything done for the girls before Thursday's orientation. I have questioned decisions that we have made as parents. I have braced myself for Libba's Middle School Softball Try-Outs. I have gone to bed every night beside a perfectly healthy husband. I haven't had to meet with hospice nurses, hire sitters, spend nights in a separate bedroom with my Aunt sleeping in the guest room. I also haven't been able to call my daddy and talk to him about the latest Broadway show that is coming to Atlanta or ask him a question about the "check engine" light that came on in the van. I cry when the sky is clear because it is a beautiful day for flying. I hang the phone up too quickly if I call his house and his voice picks up on the answering service. I want to fly home, but I don't. I am torn. I am broken. I am tired. I just hope that I have half the faith that my mama does. "My help comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth."
Thursday, May 6, 2010
National Day of Prayer, May 6, 2010
Often, our prayer life consists of requests and deals. When we are short on cash or need a vacation, we talk to God a little more than when we have money left after the bills are paid or when we book the $7,000.00 Disney Vacation. When we have a migraine or one of our children is sick, we tend to strike deals with more enthusiasm than a realtor in the years 2008-2010. Unfortunately, we often think of prayer as a way out rather than a way in. It is "human nature" to forget that God is there to talk to at any time of day in any circumstance. Fortunately, a quality of his mercy and grace is that he is quick to take us in, no matter how far we stray. I pray daily. Most of the time, I pray alone or with my children. I also pray with my husband, but I find that we pray together more when we "need" something than when "life is good". As a unit, we forget that "life is good" because of our Lord, and we should talk to him together to thank and praise him, but also to ask for guidance, wisdom, and strength. We may not "need" material things, but we certainly need the other things. We are raising two pre-adolescent daughters, and this alone calls for lots of guidance, wisdom, and strength!
So, today, I pray for wisdom, guidance, and strength to get through my days, but I also pray prayers of gratitude. I thank God for my family. I praise Him for walking with us through all of the "hard times" and for his promise to walk with us, no matter how hard times get in our futures. I thank God for my health and the good health of those whom I love dearly. I thank Him for dying on His cross so that when our health fails, we can live eternally with Him. I thank Him for my friend Gina, whom I spoke with today about everyday things AND about her daughter's first birthday. I praise Him for bringing Gina and Peyton through some very scary times in the months and weeks before Peyton was born. I thank Him for giving me friends like Gina...and Christie...and Paula...and Stacie...and Deann...and my husband, Marc, among so many others.
Today is our National Day of Prayer, and I find comfort in knowing that we live in a country that can actually acknowledge a day of prayer without extreme governmental oppression. However, it saddens me that this day may rank right up there with Christmas and Easter, as far as the spirituality of many in our country. I openly admit that I tend to save my prayers for the "hard times", but I also know that it is prayer that gets me through each day, whether a horrible Monday or a fabulous Friday.
I try to spend my daily "quiet time" in my glider rocker. I usually have my Bible and notebook in my lap rather than a baby, these days, but the rocker reminds me of the huge evidence of God's will, grace, and mercy in my life. I also pray prayers of thanks as I run or walk the 2.2 mile course at the park. It keeps me going as I look up to the sky, whether it is blue or cloudy, and it is there that I feel closer to God than anywhere.
It is good to give thanks to the Lord,
to sing praises to your name, O Most High; Enter his gates with thanksgiving,and his courts with praise!Give thanks to him; bless his name!—Psalm 100:
"The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him" - Nahum 1:7
So, today, I pray for wisdom, guidance, and strength to get through my days, but I also pray prayers of gratitude. I thank God for my family. I praise Him for walking with us through all of the "hard times" and for his promise to walk with us, no matter how hard times get in our futures. I thank God for my health and the good health of those whom I love dearly. I thank Him for dying on His cross so that when our health fails, we can live eternally with Him. I thank Him for my friend Gina, whom I spoke with today about everyday things AND about her daughter's first birthday. I praise Him for bringing Gina and Peyton through some very scary times in the months and weeks before Peyton was born. I thank Him for giving me friends like Gina...and Christie...and Paula...and Stacie...and Deann...and my husband, Marc, among so many others.
Today is our National Day of Prayer, and I find comfort in knowing that we live in a country that can actually acknowledge a day of prayer without extreme governmental oppression. However, it saddens me that this day may rank right up there with Christmas and Easter, as far as the spirituality of many in our country. I openly admit that I tend to save my prayers for the "hard times", but I also know that it is prayer that gets me through each day, whether a horrible Monday or a fabulous Friday.
I try to spend my daily "quiet time" in my glider rocker. I usually have my Bible and notebook in my lap rather than a baby, these days, but the rocker reminds me of the huge evidence of God's will, grace, and mercy in my life. I also pray prayers of thanks as I run or walk the 2.2 mile course at the park. It keeps me going as I look up to the sky, whether it is blue or cloudy, and it is there that I feel closer to God than anywhere.
It is good to give thanks to the Lord,
to sing praises to your name, O Most High;
Enter his gates with thanksgiving,and his courts with praise!Give thanks to him; bless his name!—Psalm 100:
"The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him" - Nahum 1:7
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Blessings
"The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him" - Nahum 1:7
NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER THIS THURSDAY, MAY 6th!
The message above was emailed to me on Monday morning from my girls' principal. I have waited YEARS to be able to actually say that out loud and put it in writing, and now it is our reality. We are not wealthy, and we certainly have had struggles in many areas of our lives, but we are blessed to be able to send our girls to a school that is based on Christian principals and bathed in open prayer daily. Prayer is the cornerstone of our lives. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Phillipians 4:13).
More to come.....carpool calls........
NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER THIS THURSDAY, MAY 6th!
The message above was emailed to me on Monday morning from my girls' principal. I have waited YEARS to be able to actually say that out loud and put it in writing, and now it is our reality. We are not wealthy, and we certainly have had struggles in many areas of our lives, but we are blessed to be able to send our girls to a school that is based on Christian principals and bathed in open prayer daily. Prayer is the cornerstone of our lives. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Phillipians 4:13).
More to come.....carpool calls........
Sunday, April 18, 2010
No Words
It is so true that life changes in an instant. We relish the fun instant changes...marriage proposal, job offer, positive pregnancy test...but we try not to think about the scary and sad ones. I was going about my own business this weekend out on a quick errand with my feverish daughter who had irritably proclaimed that she just wanted to get out of the house (I didn't know our house was so uncomfortable), when I got a blank text from a good friend. She is always doing something hilarious just to make me smile, so I giggled to myself and shoved my phone back in my pocket as I continued to fight the unruly mob at the Joanne's Fabric Store's Daffodil Dash, aka: 99cent pattern sale. Suddenly, my phone beeped again, and the text read, "Karen's husband died". This time I didn't giggle, I gasped loud enough to cause people in the mob to turn to me quickly, some even dropping their cherished patterns. I was in shock. I was dismayed. I felt completely helpless. My 36 year old friend had sent her 40 year old husband out to mow the grass, and he never came back inside. They have 3 small children, daughters: ages 6,4,2. I stayed home from church this morning with my sick kiddoes, but she was there. She went to praise the Lord and soak up His word while surrounding herself with friends and well-wishers and taking her daughters to a safe place--Sunday School.
Jeremiah 29:11, "...For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to
Jeremiah 29:11, "...For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Friday, April 16, 2010
Out of the Mouths of 21st Century Babes
Libba and I played hookey on Tuesday to go to the orthodontist, and we really enjoyed some quality mommy-daughter time. I was thrilled to have a chance to have some meaningful conversations with my youngest daughter, just me and her. Because of a radio commercial reminding listeners that our taxes were due in just a couple of days, our chit chat started going in that direction. Of course, I was thinking, "This is great, Libba is finally old enough to understand some of the technical details of "the American way". Very shortly, she let me know exactly how much she really understood. She asked, "What does the government do with the taxes that everyone pays in April?" When I quickly replied, "The money is used to keep all of the states running", she stated, "Oh, I thought the people who have jobs paid the government so that people who don't have jobs can get paid and support their families".
Thursday, April 15, 2010
The Best
From the moment that we discover we are going to have a precious little baby, thoughts bombard us. We ponder the gender, we try to guess the hair color, we attempt to will the unborn child's baby blues to stay the color of a Spring morning sky. Of course, there are also deeper thoughts...Will I nurse? Will I insist that my husband help out with the late night crib parties? Will I stay home to raise the baby? Will I enlist help, and continue with my own career? Will I be able to give our baby THE BEST of everything? At first thought, "the best" brings to mind a large house, private schooling, an Ethan Allen bedroom suit, perhaps a Mercedes Mini Van; but when one looks deeper into "the best", words like nutrition, spirituality, protection are brought to the surface.
We base our boundaries and expectations on different things. We do some things the way that our parents did them, and we do some things the exact opposite way. We set expectations based on what was or was not expected of us as well as the way our own child learns and responds to us. We set boundaries for our children based on common sense and common knowledge of the great and not so great aspects of our communities While we grieve for parents who suffer unforeseen tragedies, we also learn from them so that we can hopefully prevent any further tragedies.
To an almost 12 year old who has been given an opportunity to join her fellow middle school students and the Senior class of her school in a community outreach program, "the best" is defined as being able to participate...on a Friday night....at the Mall...in groups of 2-3 students... with the Principal in the same building, but not necessarily WITH her...meeting at the food court for supper at a set time. The operative words in this scenario are "an almost 12 year old".
All she understands is that her friends are going, and the Seniors are "good responsible kids" (which 99.9% of them are)...that they are actually doing something to positively influence our community. What she DOESN'T understand is that on most Friday nights, the Mall is busting at the seams with shoppers, diners, and movie-goers. In some places, it is harder to maneuver through the crowd than it is to go through security at Hartsfield-Jackson Airport at 6am on a Monday morning. All she knows is that Mom and Dad are over-protective, not that Mom and Dad only want "the best" for her.
Like many girls, I have wanted to be a Mommy since I named my first babydoll Mindy. Like many girls, I made sure that my husband wanted children well before our 6th date. Like so many, I planned my graduate studies so that I would be finished by the time my 2nd child was scheduled to arrive. I can honestly say that I began planning for my adult life when I was almost 12. I was in the 6th grade. That was when nothing could hurt me, I could do anything, and my mother was a pain in my rear. I am sure that on at least two (hundred) occasions, I proclaimed, "Well, I will NEVER tell my daughter that she can't go". That was my definition of "the best". Twenty six (and 1/2) years later, I am telling my daughter that she can't go. This is my NEW definition of "the best". Why did I change my mind? 'because I'm her MOM.
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